Have you ever felt it?
Like you want to be with somebody badly, and wish to spend every freaking time with that person yet you can’t?
No I’m not talking about the distance here. I’m not even talking about the lack of time.
You can’t be with him because you might be at the losing end of this battle. You might be fighting alone. He might not feel strongly for you the way you do for him.
You can’t be with him because life broke you and you don’t want him to do the fixing. You want to fix yourself.
You can’t be with him even if you would trade all your time in this world to be wih him, because you’re not sure if you can afford to lose yourself the way you lost yourself before. You know your worth now, and you’re not lowering the bar.
You can’t be with him even if you can fly anytime to see him. Because you are supposed to mean nothing to him anymore.
You know you don’t need him in your life, yet you want him anyway. Just because.
You know you have these dreams, passions and ambition that you want to reach; but you ask yourself everyday what if he is that one dream you’ll never reach?
And then you think that maybe this is what it is supposed to be now…. Nothing.
Maybe he still has this effect on you for now because it is not easy to just forget what you feel. And it’s okay.
Maybe he’ll just remain as your inspiration and your secret ingredient why you are so motivated to do what you do.
Maybe he’s just that person you feel comfortable and safe to be with ever since.
Maybe you appreciated it too much that he can tolerate your weird mind, and make you feel that he listens and he trusts you – esp in times when nobody else can understands.
Maybe he will always hold a special part in your heart. No matter how much you try to let go, yes he will be there.
But I tell you, you must f**king let go now.
Not because you don’t want him. But because you want to love yourself more. You can’t give something you don’t have, so try your freakin best to be complete and content with what is in the now.
Not because you don’t want to take the risk. But because you know how much that risk will affect your dispositions in life.
Continue making masterpieces out of your love for him. Continue making beautiful things using all your emotions.
At the end of the day, he is your friend. You are his friend. And it is better for it to stay that way.